From Codependency to Clarity: Adulting Made Easy

Hey there! Today, let's dive into the world of codependency – you know, those sneaky patterns that somehow weave into our lives when adulting feels like an elusive skill. It's like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces. But don't worry, we're going to unpack the basics and figure out why these patterns pop up when we least expect them. 

Remember what Warren Buffet said, “The most important investment you can make is in yourself.” So, let's invest a bit of time in understanding this codependency thing, peel back the layers, and discover how we can navigate adulting with a bit more ease. 

In this post, we'll explore:

• The Roots of Codependency: Understanding why it finds a place in our lives, often linked to a sensitive brain and rocky experiences.
• Practical Tips for Liberation: Actionable steps to break free from the grip of codependency.

Ready to take a friendly stroll into the complexities of our relationships? Let's roll!

The Roots of Codependency

1. Reward Systems and Being the Helpful One

Imagine growing up with a parent battling depression or illness – you became a ninja at reading your environment. Fast forward to adulthood, and this skill becomes your superpower. Whether you are an artist or HR pro, you sense if everyone's okay, like a built-in empathic radar picking up on micro-expressions. Nifty, right? But the catch – this constant outward focus, ensuring everyone's okay, takes a toll on your body draining your energy..

2. Conditional Love

Being the hero feels fantastic, but you're not meant to wear that cape all the time, especially unsolicited. Who falls into this? Those with a sensitive neurological system. Not everyone's an empath. You might be highly sensitive, which means you easily get overstimulated, but are not necessarily tuned into others for reassurance. Check out The Empath’s Survival Guide for learning the difference and managing your nervous system.

3. Navigating a Scary Upbringing

Hyperarousal mode in a fear-filled childhood? Maybe you had a guardian with narcissistic tendencies or one with borderline personality disorder. You became the caretaker, always on edge to ensure their well-being.

Unraveling Codependency: Unveiling our Unique Imprint

Let's continue our deep dive into codependency and explore more facets of this intricate journey. Today, we'll uncover additional layers and patterns that might resonate with your experiences.

1. Codependency and Our Neurological System

• Sensitive Neurological System: If you've ever felt overstimulated or found it necessary to shut down to cope, you might have a sensitive neurological system. It's crucial to recognize and celebrate your neurodiversity without judgment. More alone time is essential for your nervous system, but waiting for someone else to suggest it will get you in trouble.  

2. Environment and Trust

• Unsafe Environments: Growing up in an environment where safety was elusive, perhaps due to factors like alcoholism, can contribute to codependent patterns. Trusting your surroundings becomes a significant challenge. Since you’ve developed heightened senses, use it to your advantage and trust when you feel safe with a person and when you don’t.  There are plenty of safe folks out in the world, so don’t give up. 

3. Emotional Depth

• Deeply Feeling Emotions: Some of us have a history where emotions take center stage. Emotions are normal, it just creates havoc when we believe we are not okay unless others are okay, or we are not okay unless people understand us emotionally.  

4. Compensating Through Astrology

• Astrological Influences: How we navigate our emotions often aligns with our astrological signs. Whether you're a water sign, earth sign, air sign, or fire sign, or a unique blend of them all,  understanding these influences provides insights into our compensatory behaviors. Remember, who you are is perfect, and understanding yourself is the key to being an adult and taking care of yourself. 

5. Accidental Rescue Addiction

• Rescue Addicts: Ever found yourself tirelessly fixing things for others to create a comfortable environment? This can lead to unintentional rescue addiction, where helping others becomes a way for you to feel comfortable. You know, paying for someone’s rent so your nervous system can relax. 

6. Energy is Contagious

• Healthy People Attract Healthy People: The more you complain or gossip to stay connected to your friend group, the more you’ll leave feeling drained, scroll on social media too long, and zone out of your life.  

7. Identifying Draining Personalities:

Let's identify personalities that might drain your energy:

• Victims: Those who perceive the world as against them, hijacking your dreams.
• Blamers: Individuals who are always blaming others, creating an energy-sapping environment.
• Drama Queens: Storytellers who exaggerate every detail, leaving no room for your presence.
• Charmers: The center of attention who rarely asks about you, leaving you feeling invisible.
• Envious Individuals: Those who want what you have, impacting how you share your successes.
• Guilt Trippers: Individuals using shame to manipulate, making you question your feelings.
• Gossipers: Connecting through gossip can leave you feeling uneasy afterward.
• Insecure Individuals: People who pull others down due to their own insecurities.
• Narcissistic Traits: Conversational hoarders – those who interrupt, break rules, violate boundaries, feel entitled, and have a grandiose sense of importance.

Grace's Journey: Overcoming Codependency 

Meet Grace (not her real name), a resilient woman whose life had been entangled in the intricate web of a codependent relationship. Her husband, knowingly or unknowingly, had become a constant drain on her emotional and financial resources, leaving Grace feeling trapped and undervalued.

Grace and her husband had an unspoken agreement that he was more important in the relationship.  She went out of her way to help make his dreams come true with her time, money and endless encouragement. Meanwhile he constantly reminded Grace that he was the creative action taker.  

We explored how she felt in the relationship, as well as what benefits she felt from being with him.  She was surprised to realize that, in her words, “got an autoimmune disorder and a depleted bank account.” You see, Grace had a friend group that shamed people who were single, so she figured being with a man was a way of having value. 

Doing healing work helped Grace break free from the chains of codependency and undervaluing herself. We used the Invoke and Release® protocol which is both a gentle and powerful healing method.

The Results:

• Empowered Choices: Grace started making empowered choices, communicating her needs, and fostering a sense of agency over her life.
• A Life Reclaimed: Through the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle, Grace reclaimed her life. Her journey serves as an inspiration for those seeking to break free from codependent relationships and embrace a future defined by self-worth and autonomy. 

Remember, your journey is unique, and there is strength in invoking positive change while releasing the patterns that no longer serve you. Embrace the power of Invoke and Release® on your path to healing and self-discovery. 

The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff

Invoke and Release®

Invoke and Release® Healing Circle